In my counselling training I specialised in understanding the importance of healthy grieving for children who have experienced parental suicide. My research explored tools for supporting young people and understanding signs of trauma during this extremely stressful time. It has been invaluable in helping me to support children experiencing many different kinds of grief and loss.
Studies show that if death is not dealt with by a professional there is a much greater risk of children developing psychiatric disorders which may influence their long-term psychosocial functioning. The interventions for the suicide-bereaved, or ‘postvention’, as the eminent suicidologist Edwin Shneidman (1972) termed it, suggest that social support after a death has been shown to promote positive outcomes.
Especially important for bereaved children, in my experience, is the need to normalise their experience, thereby neutralising the associated feelings of stigma and isolation. This will, in time, enable them to begin the process of speaking openly about their feelings surrounding the loss.
"Proceeding in the face of the taboos, stigma, denial, concealment…so often unleashed by suicide, our research efforts will require an unusual degree of perseverance and ingenuity... Given the clamorous needs of many survivors for psychological assistance, survivor research will often acquire a strong action-research flavour, with all the advantages and limitations implied thereby". Cain, 2002
An important theoretical approach I use when working with bereaved children is "Continuing Bonds After Suicide Bereavement in Childhood" (Wood et al.) who did a study of 10 children.
"Data were collected through semi-structured interviews with 10 suicide-bereaved children and analysed using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Three themes are discussed: thinking about the deceased, coping strategies, and ongoing connections to the deceased." Wood et al. (2012)
Studies show that talking about and remembering the deceased through memories and creative techniques, is an effective research-based approach.
When working with children and teenagers to support them through grief and bereavement, I draw on research by experts in the field, while also ensuring that the young clients have ample physical space and emotional safety around their counselling experience.
I recommend at-home counselling visits for younger children suffering from grief and loss, where the therapist comes to the child in their own familiar surroundings. It can be helpful to keep the sessions short and fluid. Creative and toy-based aids significantly support the therapeutic journey, giving children a means of exploring their emotions through play where it may otherwise be difficult for younger clients to verbalise how they are feeling and express what emotions they are experiencing.
When working with whole families who are collectively grieving, I will usually come to the clients' home and split the therapy session between members of the whole household. Allowing children of different ages to enter and leave the conversation, so that they're only interacting to the extent at which they feel comfortable, helps to build trust over time and facilitates longer-term healing.
Walk and talk therapy is particularly beneficially for older children and young adults. Sitting face to face with a counsellor can be an extremely intense experience, so being outside walking in nature is a way to diffuse tension, avoid eye contact and allow younger clients to feel more relaxed and at ease. This can make it easier for communication to flow, and provides gentle external distractions to dilute the intensity of the conversation, and ensure the therapy feels safe. As a parent I am also aware of teens' need for plenty of exercise, so an activity works well.
If your family is coping with the sudden death of a parent or close family member - including through suicide - and you would like to discuss counselling support, either as a family group or for individual children or teenagers, please do get in touch.
I offer a free 15-minute introductory discussion as an opportunity for you to share your needs and see whether the support I can offer might help your family on your journey to acceptance through this challenging time.
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